So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
