so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
