I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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