I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
