My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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