And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
