Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i believe in u and ur pee
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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