is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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