Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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