Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
