I wanna bring you to show and tell
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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