Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
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