just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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