"it" just moved
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
