he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
