My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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