I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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