he thought i was a dude.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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