She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
