please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
