I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
