when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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