I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
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We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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