Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
