I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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