Christians are straight up FREAKS
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
