he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The struggles of a small town man whore
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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