I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
