I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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