i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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