He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
