ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
