I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
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I think I have vodka in my lungs
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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