he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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