If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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