Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
