I want to have your abortion
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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