and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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