The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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