So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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