I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
