You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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