just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
