i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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