Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
