So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
