I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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