I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
being pregnant is like rehab
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
