so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
