Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
