all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
