Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
