Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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