Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
