i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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