omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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