I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm always down for nudity.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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