nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
