We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I didn't notice because vodka
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
