I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You were trust falling into bushes
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
