This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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