im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
