Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
