I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
