Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
