I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
