I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
