you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
