He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
