Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
